There is

nothing so sweet

as the smell

of your babies skin

kissed by the sun

Shadows

The other night before bed Ethan discovered his shadow on the dining room wall. He was scared of it at first. His Daddy showed him how he could wave and hold up his little farm animals and watch them dance across the wall. He thought that was pretty neat. Then Daddy held his big hand up. Ethan ran out of the room with huge eyes towards me. We showed Ethan that it was just Daddy and nothing to be scared of. Ethan returned to the wall grinning.

Tonight I heard giggles coming from the dining room. When I looked around the corner this is what I saw. They were both having so much fun waving and giggling at the curly headed shadows looking back at them.

A Whole Lotta Busy

I tell ya.

2 18 month olds are a lot of work fun.

From the moment they wake up shrieking and giggling in their cribs at 7:30 till the moment they crash back in them for naps at 1 and then shriek and giggle again at 4 until crashing back in bed for the night at 7 they are ON THE GO.

Constantly moving.

Exploring.

Touching.

Climbing.

Grabbing.

Poking.

Talking.

Giggling.

Yelling.

Stomping.

Twirling.

Running.

Eating.

Fussing.

Crawling.

Throwing.

Bouncing.

Dropping.

Crying.

Drinking.

I don't know how the energy that these two little boys produce could be harnessed, but it could be a major money maker if we could figure it out!

They are a blast.

They completely keep me on my toes all day long, but by the time bedtime arrives the last thing I want to do is walk on them any longer!

I continue to pray and cover this little girl with protection that she will remain safe and secure in her little home even with all the bending, cooking, peacekeeping, bouncing, sitting, standing, comforting, crouching, chasing, lifting, changing, sighing, singing, and reading that this Mama carrying her does in a typical day.

It is a home full of activity. Full of signs of children.

Chris and I often just smile and laugh as we look around at our changed home. Finding toys in the most random of places, a kitchen rug that can NEVER stay clean, and fingerprints covering every inch of wall space 3 feet and under.

It is a wonderful time. A time that is completely exhausting and at times completely overwhelming...but so full of love, hugs, kisses, cuddles, cheesy grins, and all that good stuff.

Here are a few pictures taken at the NICU reunion we went to a few weeks ago. It was so much fun to see some of the boys nurses and doctors again after 17 months. The boys had a great time running wild and free. They rode a teeter totter for the first time and also went on their very first train ride! Chris and I both got emotional after we buckled them in and watched them ride away with all the big kids on the cow train!

Grayson and Gertie

Grayson is the 3rd one back and Ethan is the caboose. They were the tiniest little guys on there! The mother in front of Grayson kept a close eye on them for me. She is a mother of curly headed twin boys born just 2 weeks before ours!

Ethan on the slide

...And There On Your Left You'll See Week 26

Things are just moving right along in the baby growing department!

We have passed the 26 week mark. I can't believe it's going so fast!

I am going to dedicate some time this week to sorting through clothes and start getting some outfits washed, hung, and put away!

Chris and I think we have decided on a name for our little girl. As we did with the boys, we are deciding to keep the name a secret until her big arrival. There is just no other name that I love as much, and whenever I say it to her, or say it to the boys, it just does something to my soul. I just feel like it's meant for her!

I am getting really excited about her arrival.

I don't know if it's fully sunk in that we are going to have a third child in this house. It is going to be wild to see Ethan and Grayson as big brothers.

We have been talking a lot about the baby and the baby sister. They know that the baby is in my tummy, and they give her many gentle hugs and kisses. My friend Irene told me that our local library has a huge bin full of books that can be checked out all on the topic of bringing home a baby sister. I want to get this for them and start reading some books to make the topic even more comfortable and familiar!

Things are continuing to go smoothly during this pregnancy. I have been going in every two weeks for visits, and they are closely monitoring me to make sure there are no signs of preterm labor. So far, so good! The cow shots are continuing for another 10 weeks or so.

Here are a few pictures taken at 26 weeks:

Teacher

I love to teach.

I have known since I was a little girl that I wanted to be an elementary teacher.

My aunt Emilie was a teacher and she would give me old grade books, workbooks, and worksheets that I could use to play school. My cousin Ann and I would play school for hours whenever she came to visit (Ann is now a teacher too!).

I had an entire classroom set up in my bedroom. I had roll call every morning.

I had two very bad students named Tom and Michelle that were always being sent to the principals office. (I have taught a few "Toms" and "Michelles" over the years!)

I have always loved it.

When I was hired as a fourth grade teacher six years ago I was so excited. I couldn't believe that my dream of having my OWN classroom was going to become a reality.

I was scared.

I was nervous.

I feared the ability to control my students and wondered if I could actually assist them in learning!

I had some struggles the first year, as I'm sure all new teachers do, but I also fell in love with it instantly.

I felt at home.

That was in September of 2004.

For the next five years I fell in to a job and a school that I loved. I taught so many amazing students, worked with so many passionate teachers, and was administered by some pretty awesome principals. It really was a great fit for me.

And then I got pregnant. :)

And there were two of them.

And Chris and I talked about what the future of our family looked like.

What would we do?

Would we do daycare? If so, who?

Would I stay home? If so, how?

We made lists of the pros and cons. We debated and discussed and pondered....

and we came to the conclusion that for our family me becoming a teacher to our sons here at home was more beneficial than me being a teacher to my classroom of nine year olds.

It wasn't an easy decision to make. I had many tears as I said goodbye to my classroom, as I said goodbye to my students, as I said goodbye to my friends...

Yesterday I was able to step back in to the school in the role of substitute teacher. I taught all day long in the classroom right next to the one I taught in for five years. At one point in the day yesterday I had to go in to my old classroom and ask the current teacher a question.

I took a minute to just look around.

It still felt like my room.

I could picture my desk.

My things.

My flair and touches around the room...

yet there was another name on the door.

Someone else's handwriting was up on the chalkboard.

It wasn't my room any longer.

I find myself becoming so melancholy at times.

I know that I can go back to teaching here in a few years after I have raised my children.

I plan on that and I'm excited for it.

I am also so thankful that I am home with Ethan and Grayson. I truly wouldn't trade it for the world.

I honestly too don't know how I would manage working full time and still take care of my pregnant little self and my two nearly 18 month old boys. I have many super mom friends who do it, and they amaze me...but I just don't think I'm quite as talented...or put together. :)

I do not regret my decision about staying home, but I do find myself missing it at times.

Maybe part of it is realizing that being in that classroom, in that team, in my twenties, having my pre-baby body is now a part of my history. A part of my legacy. :)

It will no longer be exactly as it was.

I have beautiful, beautiful memories of that time.

The songs I sung with my students.

The crab hats I would wear with my team.

The feeling of excitement when one of my struggling students would pass a test.

The friendships that I made and still maintain.

It was truly a wonderful time in my life and I am so thankful that I had that experience.

It was one of those major milestones that has impacted me and the person that I am today.

Irene, T, Anne Marie, and myself on a field trip '07

Colonial Day '07

Colonial Day with 4th Grade Team

The only one that was REALLY pregnant at the time was Cheryl on the far right. :)

Twin day with my precious student Emily

80's Day! Work it!

Knox

Cleaning our desks on the last day of school '06

My gang '06

To those friends and co-workers who didn't make my blog in pictures (you know who you are!)...it isn't because I don't love you...it's just cuz I didn't have any pictures saved on my computer of you! If you have some, send them to me, and I will put you up on here in flashing lights! :)

Pool Time!

The other day the boys got to swim in their new pool for the very first time.


They were SO excited.


We walked outside and they ran over to it, squatted down, and stuck their little fingers in it. Once I gave them the go ahead they jumped right on in and just squealed and giggled. They played and splashed contently for over an hour.

It was heaven to sit there and watch them play so contently while I stuck my legs in the water! Pregnant Mama bliss!

We are going to get our money's worth out of that this summer I'm thinking!

I could not get Grayson to look at me for anything - so this is the best I could do!

Grinning Eatie Sweetie

Rough summer days :)

This was a year ago!

My how they've changed! (E left, G right)

The Stuff That Matters

Sometimes I feel like my head is just going to pop.

I'm thinking too much about too many things.

I have lists upon lists upon lists growing in my head.

Do this.
Wash this.
Finish this.
Sort this.
Buy this.
Call this number.
Change this.
Learn this.
Cook this.
Start this.
Try this.

I pick up one thing to put it away.
I set it down because I think of doing something else.
On the way to do that something else I remember to jot something down.
As I begin to jot it down I feel two little boys wrapping their little bodies around my legs.
I forget what I was going to jot down.
I now am no longer able to walk to put those things away.

And so the story goes...

Sometimes I find myself getting so bogged down by all my mental lists.

Because sometimes through the lens of these lists is how I begin to view myself.

I see myself as inadequate if A, B, and C is not done by the end of the day.

I see myself as less than a perfect mother if I don't find the perfect healthy dinner food that my boys will devour and beg me for more.

I try and do too much.

Spread myself too thin.

Be too many things and try to do them all perfectly.

And the other day I was just overwhelmed.

Just sad.

Just feeling empty.

In all honesty, not enjoying my life and missing the simplicity of the life I led before staying home.

I took it to my husband and told him that I was feeling overwhelmed.

Feeling like my life just spins out of control sometimes and I lose sight of who I am in the midst of it.

I lose sight of what really matters.

We had a really good talk. He has this way of helping me to get back to the basics. To see life in a much simpler way.

And so these past few days I have really been feeling free.

I have been allowing myself to feel free.

To let it go.

To enjoy simple moments with my boys because they are things that I want to do with them and things that I know they want me to do with them. Not things that I think would look or sound good on my blog or allow me to add a notch in my awesome mother belt.

I have danced with them in the kitchen.

Laid my head in their lap and let them poke my face and name it's parts.

Buried my face in to their curly locks and breathed in the amazing aroma of my sons.

Just sat.
Sat and watched.
Sat and learned.
Sat and enjoyed.

Because I don't want to get caught up in the things that don't really matter.

Well sure I want to have a nice home.
Have a delicious dinner on the table.
Have my boys eat healthy food.
Save money for my family.
and on, and on, and on....

But in the midst of trying to meet all my self-set deadlines, goals, chores, lists, and dreams I don't want to lose sight of the here and now.

I want to be a present force.
I want to bless my boys with a mother who is here.
Who cares.
Who smiles.
Who loves.
Who feels joy and who can laugh.

I want to be a good wife to my husband.
A wife who listens.
Who supports.
Who encourages.
Who gets goofy with him and laughs at his dumb jokes.

I just want to shut off all the influences that I let overwhelm me sometimes.
To stop the comparing game.

And to just be me content in this place that I am supposed to be in right now.