Days Like Today

I have come to learn, in my years and years of experience as a mother, that there are just days that are completely and utterly ridiculous.

They are just plain, old crazy.

They don't make sense.

The things that happen inside of that day shouldn't happen to people like me.

A nice, reasonable person like me.

Cuz you see...sometimes when I am raising twins I feel like my life is completely and utterly spinning out of control.

I mostly feel this way when they are sick. Like right now.

Let me give you an example...a glimpse if I may... in to our kitchen at 5:00 this evening.

Come along will you?

Now I must start off by stating that the day didn't start off exactly like I wanted it to. Grayson was up at 5:30 bleating like a goat from his room. He wasn't crying. He was moaning. Over and over and over again. He has a cold. This is how he handles it. In a completely selfish state in my comfy warm bed, I did not want to get up at 5:30. I just did not. But, there isn't much choice when livestock is residing right across the hall, so up I was.

The rest of the morning wasn't a whole lot better. I can't be too cold hearted here and say that it wasn't understandable, because G wasn't feeling well...but the only thing he wanted to do was be held by me. The entire morning. I love that. I really do. I know a day will come all too soon when my arms will not a place he will be frequently found...but see...there is another little boy. His name is Ethan. He is not sick (he was first and passed it on to his brother..always the sharer). He wanted a playmate. He didn't want me to sit still and hold his brother. He wanted me to chase him and stack blocks.

By 10:00 I was on the phone with a dear friend asking her if it was okay to ever have the thought of wanting to sell my children. She said at least every other day. So nice to know I'm in good company here. She truly gave me a little pep talk though. A little "hoo rah you can do it ma" kind of ditty - and I was feeling much better about my life and the chaotic mess that it is.

The rest of the morning and in to the afternoon really went well. It really did! The boys seemed to perk up, we played, read stories, colored, went outside...it was just pleasant and I thought to myself "This parenting thing is such a cinch! What was I having a pity party about this morning?"

Fast forward to 4:00. G woke up from his nap feeling miserable. Just a pathetic little lump of sick boy. He sat in my arms on the couch with his brother E curled up next to me. Ahh. I loved it. What I loved even more though, was having an amazing husband who took it upon himself to prepare and cook dinner tonight, all before he had to head out the door to class. Marvelous. I felt guilty though, - sitting there on the couch holding my sons while he ran around the kitchen (wearing my apron, and looking quite handsome if I do say so myself)...but as he pointed out, I was exactly where I was needed most. And so I sat snuggling.

And then dinner. Glorious dinner. Chris had made a delicious meal of chicken, black beans, corn, sauteed zucchini, and saffron rice. It smelled so good. I put the boys in their chairs and gathered up their meal. All was going so well. Conversation was flowing, food was being eaten, family time would have been rated a 10 by Bruno no doubt...

...and then Grayson started coughing. He really started coughing. This was after a full glass of milk and a plate full of food. He got a tickle in the throat that just wouldn't quit. You can maybe guess what happened next. Let's just say it wasn't pretty....or appetizing.

It was one of those moments where I stood there having no idea what to do. No idea where to start. No idea what to say.

As we started to tackle cleaning him up he decided that he wasn't through. There was more. My heart aches so much when I see my boys sick. I'm not that calm kind of Mom who just stands there and strokes their little heads.

I am that Mom who starts smacking them on the back, yelling their name as if their ears have been affected by it all, and desperately trying to get them out of their chair while forgetting to unbuckle their straps first.

Chris, on the other hand, is Mr. Daddy Cool.

He assesses the situation.

He gets a game plan.

He gets to work.

In the meantime Ethan wasn't too pleased that his plate was now empty and nobody was filling it back up again. Never mind the fact that his brother is covered in his dinner...Ethan's appetite was not damaged in the least!

By the time I stripped my son out of all his clothes, scrubbed his chair, scrubbed his tray, and washed the floor, my dinner was completely cold and I wasn't so hungry anymore.

It was put in the fridge for later (I ate it tonight after the boys went to bed instead).

After dinner it was more couch cuddling, more goat bleating, and more crazy Ethan wanting Mommy to chase him around the living room. (If I didn't he would resort to climbing on top of the tables, so what choice did I have?)

All the while I feel this little girl kicking and flipping inside of me...reminding me that she soon will be making her arrival and wanting to share just a little bit of that Mama time once in awhile too!

After I tucked those little bodies in to bed tonight I looked at my disheveled reflection in the mirror. My hair completely falling out of it's stylish (haha) ponytail, my clothes covered in spit, snot, and tears (and who knows what else!), my 21 week pregnant belly sticking out through my shirt... and all of the sudden this smile just spread across my face.

Because it's true.

It is crazy.

I don't have it all figured out.

It doesn't always go the way I have planned.

It doesn't always look pretty

or polished

or refined

But it's my life.

They are my children.

This is where we're at.

How soon will they be grown and gone and I will look to my husband across the quiet dining room table and I'll say "Remember that dinner when..."?

But as for tonight. I will go and lay on the couch. I will remember that tomorrow is a new day.

And we'll see what it brings.