Separate

My boys are always together.

They wake up at the exact same time nearly every morning.  And if one brother wakes up first and the other one isn’t quite yet awake, his brother has no problem jumping in to help remedy that situation.

They eat their meals together.

They play together.  Even when I attempt to get them involved in activities that separate them from each other for a period of time, they always seem to gravitate toward one another – like some cosmic pull that forces their bodies to always be side by side.

They sleep together.  The cutest little beds side by side in a room void of anything else (even a light bulb) to help diminish the temptations that seem to come when there’s stuff to do besides sleep.

For goodness sake they even use the bathroom together.  They love to stand at the toilet and “make an x.” Lately they compete about whose stream is on top. 

Compete.

Compete.

Compete.

I know to an extent it’s healthy, and good, and aids in challenging both boys…but it grows wearisome.  Not just for me as their mother, but for them.

To always have someone next to you who wants to share your same toy, same snack, same sister, same room, same bathroom…

Even though it’s amazing and has incredible moments when the stars align and the boys hug and kiss and wrestle and profess their love for each other stating that their brother is their best friend – we also felt like it would be so good for them to have some time apart.

For them to realize that they are a separate entity from their brother.  They alone, individually, are special.  Unique.  Loved.

So today Bapa took Grayson to the farm for two days of alone time.  The original plan was for Adelyn to tag along too, thus providing some alone time also on this end for Mommy, Daddy, and the remaining son…but this morning Adelyn was diagnosed with pink eye – so there is no way this Mama’s heart could send her away from my sight. 

All week we have prepared the boys for this.  They couldn’t decide who was going to go and who was going to stay.  They both didn’t want to miss any fun on either end! 

Finally yesterday it was decided (by them) that this time Grayson would go and Ethan would stay.  They were both completely fine with that decision. The two boys shared a long hug before saying goodbye to each other today.  Adelyn, Ethan and I sat on the front steps and watched joyfully as Bapa strapped Grayson in and we said our goodbyes. As soon as the car started backing out of the driveway though the reality of what was happening seemed to hit Ethan.  He clung to me, “Don’t leave without me!" “Come back! Come back!”  It broke my heart.  Huge sobs.

We went inside and I calmed him down, explained to him again what this meant for him staying home, how he too would have some special time with just Mommy and Daddy.  He wasn’t buying it right away.   It wasn’t long before smiles replaced the tears.

We read a pile of books before nap time.

He was able to do some Starfall on Mommy’s computer after nap.

He helped me make dinner.

We got to play outside with water.

After Adelyn went to sleep we popped some popcorn and watched a show together, curled up in a blanket holding hands. (He gave me a “cheers” with our water cups tonight and said, “Cheers to alone time with just my Mommy!”)

    

It was a special evening.  Strange and a bit empty without my other precious boy – but oh so amazing and special to really get to know my children individually.  I crave that time with them, to really talk with them, hear them, connect with them.

Tonight while entering his bedroom Ethan sadly said to me, “Who am I going to sleep with tonight?”  This is their first night alone ever since their 1 week separation when Ethan came home first from the NICU.

We talked it through.  I left the bathroom door open a little more than usual to allow a little more light to shine in.  I sang him an extra song.  We made it good.

A few seconds ago I heard a contented yawn coming from the room next to mine. 

Off to sleep he goes.

Praying his brother is peacefully doing the same.