Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Saying Goodbye To My Breast Friend


Oh Medela,

After nearly three inseperable years together the time has come for you and I to bid farewell.

While goodbyes are never easy, the memories that we've created together will last for a lifetime.

We've been through a lot together, you and I.

Do you remember when I was pumping in the Lowe's parking lot while on a date night out with Chris when the boys were in the NICU? The store was closed and we were the only car in the parking lot. A police car pulled in and started driving toward us. We had to get out of there quickly!

And then there was the time when I was using you at school while I was still teaching. I always put a piece of cardboard up in my classroom window and made sure my door was locked whenever I had to pump. Well one day I was sitting there just doing my thing, working on my computer, talking on the phone to Chris, when all of the sudden I looked up and could see straight out across the hall in to my coworker Cheryl's classroom. I had forgotten to put my covering up on my window! I had been pumping for at least ten minutes by this point and I have no idea who in the world may have walked by and looked in. I could have died. Luckily my students were at gym class so there were really no students in the hallway at the time. Can you imagine those parent phone calls?

Finally, I will never forget all of our conversations. You were such a great conversationalist, keeping me company throughout all those long hours of the night. You would often tell me to, "Eat Garlic." "Eat Garlic." "Eat Garlic." You were pretty persistent about that. (I have a couple friends who told me their pumps spoke to them too, so I know I'm not the only wacky one).

You have helped me tackle this whole parenting gig. You allowed me to provide my sons with milk for the first ten months of their life, especially at that most important time when they were in the hospital. You accompanied me on many trips down the interstate where I mastered the ability to drive and pump all at the same time, all the while trying to remain modest and not recieve too many honks from those crazy truck drivers.

I truly am sad in a way to say goodbye to you, because it also saying goodbye to such an incredible chapter of my life. Not really the pumping part, because truly I was never that hooked (pun completely intended!) on it, but all that comes along with it.



  1. HILarious!!!!!!!!! Do you think Peter Funt may like this one????????????????????????????
    Cleverly written Beth!!!!

  2. I agree with Mom! This is too funny!!! :) And that cartoon at the end - hysterical. I hope I remember that and take a minute to laugh when I find myself engorged a few days after this baby is born. ;-)

  3. Hahaha! Love it so much! Love all the cute little puns you included in this post. Seeing the sight of a breast pump made me cringe just a little as the whole breastfeeding thing was a challenge here, but I'm so glad I went through all that effort!

    And pumping and driving! You go girl!


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