Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Day 10: I'm Thankful For...

...the stupid sense of humor I have that makes movies like the following hilarious!

But Jack Handey quotes are the best of them all! A few of my favorites:
"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny." — Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad." — Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes." — Jack Handey
"A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke." — Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’." — Jack Handey

"If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. hen, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection? I thought you said 'inspection.'" They'd probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it." — Jack Handey
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is...and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them." — Jack Handey
Okay - I'm done. I promise! I could go all day with those! Hahahahahaha!!!

1 comment:

  1. "Laurie got offended when I used the word 'puke' but to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."

    That's one of my favorite JHandy quotes. Thanks for sharing yours.


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